How to tell if your teenage daughter is gay
Book Excerpt: Is Your Minor Gay?
Excerpted fromWhy Is the Penis Shaped Like That? … And Other Reflections on Being Human, by Jesse Bering, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (North America), Transworld Ltd (UK), Jorge Zahara Editora Ltda (Brazil). Copyright © by Jesse Bering.
We all understand the stereotypes: an unusually light, delicate, effeminate breeze in a little boy's step, an interest in dolls, makeup, princesses and dresses, and a sturdy distaste for rough perform with other boys. In little girls, there is the outwardly boyish stance, perhaps a penchant for tools, a square-jawed readiness for physical tussles with boys, and an aversion to all the perfumed, delicate trappings of femininity.
These behavioral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbingers of adult homosexuality. It is only relatively recently, however, that developmental scientists have conducted controlled studies to identify the earliest and most reliable signs of adult homosexuality. In looking carefully at the childhoods of gay adults, researchers are finding an intriguing set of behavioral indicators that homosexuals sound to have in
First the stereotype. People often assess of lesbians as having short-hair, their upper lips unwaxed, their clothes manly, their behaviour closely resembling a man. While this is true of some lesbians, it is not true for others. Reflect Portia De Rossi. Ponder Cynthia Nixon. Sorry I don&#;t have any Indian examples for you. If you&#;ll take my synonyms for it, I can tell you that I know desi lesbians that are feminine and girly and I know desi lesbians that are boyish and I know some that are in between.
So if your daughter does not wear saris and salwar kameezes or wears baggy jeans with flannel shirts, don&#;t assume that she&#;s a lesbian. On the other hand, if your daughter does dress in a very feminine manner and has a beauty parlour appointment every 2 weeks, that doesn&#;t mean she is straight.
Not very helpful, I understand. What can I tell &#; there is nothing really that makes someone a lesbian other than their attraction to women. The culture in India makes it even harder to guess one&#;s sexuality, because there is so much affection between people of the same gender.
In my case, I had tons of crushes on girls right from the ripe age of I had crushes on my friends, m
Inside:Is my teen daughter a lesbian? Maybe or maybe not, but here’s how to handle this sensitive teenage sexuality topic
This post was contributed by Jill Whitney, LMFT
So much about teen sexuality is different from what it was a couple decades ago.
Where once it was awkward, if not risky, to be anything other than straight, we now talk openly about a spectrum of orientations and genders. Sexual diversity has broken out of the closet—to the point where being LGBTQ is gentle of cool.
So don’t be surprised if your teen or even tween daughter announces at some indicate that she’s a womxn loving womxn. It’s more common than you might think these days.
But you may wonder whether your teen daughter is a lesbian for real, or whether it’s just a phase. Maybe she’s just experimenting; maybe she’ll flourish out of it. Or maybe not.
How do you know?
Acceptance Needs to Be Unconditional
Unfortunately, there’s no way to tell. Some girls who experiment with same-sex partners conclusion up happily straight. Other young women find they’re attracted only or primarily to women and characterize as lesbian for their whole lives.
As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, ), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's name entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.
I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.
I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a direct mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.
As it turns out, our son didn't arrive out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.
Susan Berland, the mother of a same-sex attracted son who coaches parents of LGBTQ kids, caution, "It's not a excellent idea to ask. Allow your child
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